AWARE :: Back-to-School

Moms' Stories

Sue's Story

Last December, I received a phone call from the school secretary, informing me that they had something for me. They wanted to know if I was able to pick up my package when my children weren't around. I was unsure of what she was referring to. So I was extremely surprised when I went to the school and they had presents for me to take for my children. I was thankful, because we are low income, and I hadn't been able to afford much, but I was happy with what I had for my children already. The presents from the school were extras. It was extremely generous, but how did they know? I didn't sign for the presents, I didn't ask anyone for them, so how did they know? Why was I on their Christmas list?

A couple of weeks later, they had a Christmas open house and the children performed in their classrooms. They didn't plan for siblings or single parent families to be there because both of my young children performed at the same time, at separate ends of the school. I was really angry and went to the school to let them know the heartbreak I dealt with at home that night and how unfair it was that my children performed at the same time. I felt as though I was expected to make a decision about which child to watch perform. My anger was quickly struck down with a reminder from the Vice Principal about the gifts we had received from the school. I suddenly felt like I was being ungrateful.

My children and I attended the barbeque held in September. As usual, it was just the three of us, which feels out of place enough sometimes, without the Principal taking me aside and asking me if we needed hotdogs or drinks. Again, I appreciated the concern and I graciously said no thank you, I already had the tickets needed for food and drink. But really, what made him ask? Again, it was an assumption. I felt like it must show that we have no money, like I'm dirty, or my kids are dirty, but we're not. Also, I found out a few days later, that there was a mother and son there who didn't have any money for hot dogs or drinks, and they went home without having any. It was never offered to them.

I've always managed to provide my children with everything necessary for a healthy upbringing, and a lot more. They're involved in many activities, and I do my best not to make our financial situation known.

There's a mother I know who is not low income, but she told me about her child in an older grade who was going on a field trip. The permission slip came home and beside where it gives the amount, it said if you are unable to pay, just indicate, no child will be left behind. I think that's a good practice to use on every permission slip for the whole school. My children attend the same school; I have yet to see that statement on any of my children's permission slips. To top of page.

Moms' Stories about Food Issues

Here are some of the stories moms told us about dealing with the schools and food policies:

"I had to tell my child's teacher about my financial situation because I couldn't afford to give her the 'proper' food for her lunch that the teacher wanted them to bring. She brought out Canada's Food Guide and everything ? It made me feel she thought I was unaware of what is considered 'healthy'."

"I try not to send food that's unhealthy, but I want to know that my kid is eating. If he won't eat something, then why would I send it? The teacher said I should send brown bread instead of white because it's healthy, but if he won't eat it, then it wouldn't be healthy."

"We're told it's a choice to send money for special food days but my child will be singled out if they don't have it and everyone else does. Once and a while I could afford to send money for a hot lunch but not all the time. Not only is there hot dog day, there's sub and pizza day, too! It's too much for me to afford."

"I can only afford fresh fruit on the 1st and the 20th of every month. I told my kid's teacher that I could only afford fresh fruit around certain times, but they still send home the notices. Plus, you can't force a kid to eat fruit."

"My kid's principal told me that because the kids that qualify for a breakfast program don't use it, there is no lunch program."

"I quit sending my son to school with sandwiches because he wouldn't eat them. I give him extra of other things to make up for it. One day the teacher made a spectacle of him in front of the whole class and gave him half of another kid's sandwich."

"One day the teacher approached me in the hallway in front of other parents and teachers and said loudly 'If you can't afford to feed your son I will get something for him.' Maybe she was only trying to help, but I was humiliated. I can afford to feed him - just not all the healthy food they expect all the time."

"I've kept my kids home because I couldn't afford healthy lunches for them. I got a call from the school about my child not being there enough. Some days I couldn't pay for something or didn't have anything 'healthy' to put in their lunches. I've had to borrow and one time went without groceries so I could pay for the hot lunches at the school." To top of page.

Moms' Stories about Supplies and Field Trips

Here are some of the stories moms told us about the extra costs associated with sending a child to school:

"My daughter wouldn't let me talk to the school about getting a backpack. She didn't want anyone at the school to know we couldn't afford one. My daughter still doesn't have one. It 'outs' kids, puts labels on them, and affects their self-esteem when they need to go through the principal for school supplies."

"Because I can't afford to send him, my son uses the money he makes from his part-time job to pay for school things. I feel horrible because of it. He works every summer so he can have the extras for the school year. I feel bad that I can't supply money myself. I think it's good that he works and earns some money but I feel so bad that there's no other choice. I feel like a failure to my kids."

"I sent my daughter's field trip permission form signed without the money because I couldn't afford it until after the 20th of the month (when the 'baby bonus' arrives) - the teacher sent it back with a letter saying I couldn't send in the form until I had the money. My daughter stayed home the day of the trip, and I've had to keep her home many times because we can't afford the field trips and the healthy lunches."

"I've put off bills to pay for school trips. One time, I had to send rolled pennies to pay for a field trip - you should've seen the look I got because of it! Another time, we went without the Internet for three months to pay for a school trip. My daughter has learning problems so the school said she would really benefit from a computer at home. I sold a piece of furniture to buy a used computer for my daughter."

"My son told me that he didn't want to go on his grade 8 graduation field trip to Canada's Wonderland because he didn't like the rides. When the issue was pushed, it turned out it was because he knew that I couldn't afford to send him. It breaks my heart to know that he has to worry about things like this - that he feels he has to protect me."

"The forms for school trips do come home in advance but not in enough advance for me. I really have to budget and plan how I'm going to spend what little money I have. We're living on $700.00 a month, two little ones and two teenagers, so I can't barely feed my kids. My teenagers don't even tell me when there are trips or activities, because they think we can't afford it. I feel bad that they feel this way. I'm happy that they've learned the importance of money, but I still feel awful that they're that aware of it." To top of page.

Moms' Stories about Stigma and Shame

Here are some of the stories moms told us about the shame and stigma they feel because of their financial situations:

"I feel like I'm centred out when I go to the school because they know I'm a single mom and low income. When the school finds out you're a single parent and on welfare, it's even worse. When they know one it's bad enough, but then they find out the other."

"It's okay for a family with money to keep their kids out of school to go on a family vacation but if I tried, they wouldn't hesitate to call CAS or hound me about it. There's a huge double-standard. There's a definite stigma [for low-income moms]."

"The teacher knows we're low-income and she told me that my family was different because of it. Maybe she was only trying to help, but I was humiliated."

"I would never tell the school I couldn't afford something so my kids have to go without stuff they might be able to get from the school. But my finances are none of the school's business. If they knew, they would look at me completely differently."

"The school's health nurse called me at work to tell me they found head lice. She demanded that I pick my kids up immediately. When I told her I was at work, she threatened to call CAS if I didn't come right away. I had to leave work, which meant I was short on my pay cheque that week."

"They asked me to keep my child out of school because they don't think she's ready. But I have to work and my child's the right age for school. I can't afford to keep her out of school for another year. They said an EA would help but they can't get her one because they don't have any funding and she hasn't been diagnosed with any thing yet. She just started JK (junior kindergarten) and has already been sent home from school. I had to hire a babysitter which I couldn't afford so I wouldn't lose a day at work."

"They asked for volunteers to help out but then the school wouldn't let me ride on the bus with the kids because of insurance purposes, I had to find my own ride there. They didn't offer any help with transportation so I couldn't afford to help out after all. It was embarrassing and, once again, I felt like I'd let my child down."

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